Strap Yourself to the Couch, Maw!

Because 24 sucks so hard, it’ll pull you right into the TV!

If you’re the type to worry about spoilers, stop reading now.

First they get a name out of Mr. Ex-Terrorist (the same one Jack killed one of his best agents to protect), and that name turns out to be none other than Jack’s estranged father! D’oh!

But it gets better! Then comes the big reveal that the evil mastermind bossing the sniveling president around last season is none other than…

…wait for it…

Jack’s brother!

It’s like a bad soap opera! I love it! So good ol’ Jack is calling dear brother Graham looking for Daddy, and then shows up at his house when he doesn’t get a suitable answer. Given this is Mr. Shoot-First-and-Ask-Questions-Later Jack Bauer, I remarked that it’s surprising he didn’t bust into his brother’s place and start shooting.

Note five minutes later, he punches Graham’s lights out, ties him to a chair, and tortures him!

I want a dose of what the writers of 24 are smoking.