Life With Creative Types

The problem with creative people is we bore easily. We don’t like to sit and wait for things, and if there’s not something we can pour our creativity into or something shiny or moving to hold our attention, things get ugly fast.

It gets especially interesting for our significant others, who then bear the brunt of said boredom. There’s a reason 32.8% of marriages involving creative types end in messy divorces*. Case in point: here is a glimpse into what life is like for my wife. I’m at work, watching software download and install itself (which is akin to watching paint dry for those unfamiliar with the experience) and lugging monitors around. I forward a couple of emails to the wife, then, rather than calling her to pester her, I shoot her a text message.

It went like this:

Subject: email
Message: check your email when you get a chance

The nice thing about text messages is you can send them via email and not have to pay for them. This makes them very convenient. The bad thing about text messages via email is they are very convenient. Recall how I said I chose not to call her to pester her, and observe the combination of boredom and convenient email-to-text message access:

Time: 1:41pm
Subject: poop
Message: I just pooped in the potty. I don’t know why the Squirt is having such a tough time with potty training. It was easy.

Time: 1:54pm
Subject: rat
Message: I just found a rat! Can I keep him?

Time: 1:58pm
Subject: rabies
Message: Uh oh. I think I just contracted rabies.

Time: 2:14pm
Subject: weather
Message: So how’s the weather over there?**

Response from the Wife!
Time: 2:16pm
Message: Bored, huh?

Time: 2:22pm
Subject: pirates
Message: Arrrr! The village is ripe for the taking! I’ll do the pillaging, and you do the raping!

Response from the Wife!
Time: 2:23pm
Message: But I don’t want to rape anyone!***

Time: 2:28pm
Subject: pirates redux
Message: Arrr! Suck it up, matey, or I’ll have ye keel-hauled!

Time: 2:37pm
Subject: forest fires
Message: Elephants have big, flat feet to stomp out flaming ducks. Now you know.

Time: 2:38pm
Subject: gi joe
Message: And knowing is half the battle!

Time: 2:46pm
Subject: dirty
Message: What are you wearing?

Response from the Wife!
Time: 2:47pm
Message: Nothing. When will you be home?****

Time: 2:47pm
Message: In about ten seconds!

Response from the Wife!
Time: 2:48pm
Message: Ok, see you soon.

And with that I called it an early day at work. Now you see why the wife and I are in the 67.2% of marriages involving creative types that last.*

*These statistics are 100% made up.

** We live about a block from where I work.

*** This is called encouragement. Or, in some circles, “being an enabler.”

****More enabling. And here I expecting something like “For the next six weeks, a chastity belt.”

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.

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