Reminder: The Ocean STILL Hates You

Meet Promachoteuthis sulcus, what would be the most terrifying creature on the planet if it weren’t only 25mm wide or long or whatever ML means. And tiny or not, I wouldn’t want great swarms of them to surround me and nibble me to death.

If you click the picture, it says the teeth are actually folded lips which conceal its beaks. I don’t find that much more comforting. I’m convinced it pulls in the beak and builds these rudimentary teeth to speak.

“Hello. I am the Great Cock of Cthulhu. I am going to swallow your soul.”

(C’mon, look at the shape of it. You didn’t think it would squeeze by without a phallic joke, did you?)