Clive Owen's On First

Last night I finally got around to watching Shoot ‘Em Up, and I invited the wife to do the same.

“Hey hon,” I said. “Come watch Shoot ‘Em Up.”

“Which movie?” she asked. Like many people, I’ll refer to a high-octane action flick as a shoot-’em-up.

Shoot ‘Em Up,” I told her.

“Right, but which movie?”

You can easily see where this was going. About a half hour later, after the rugrats finished bathtime and she put them all to bed, she sat down in the living room.

“So what’s the movie called?” she asked.

Shoot ‘Em Up!” I replied.

I was tempted to say “Clive Owen’s On First.” She can dig Abbot & Costello, she’d have got it.

The movie itself is a lot of fun. Way, way over-the-top action and does a great job satiring the action genre. The one-liners alone are worth the price of admission. For example, Clive Owen shoves a carrot in a bad guy’s mouth and then hammers it through the back of the guy’s head and tells him “Eat your vegetables.” Classic! That’s right up there with Schwarzenegger’s “Let off some steam, Bennett!” in Commando, right after he uses a pipe to spear a guy onto a boiler.

At least the ridiculousness of Shoot ‘Em Up was intentional.

Owen munches carrots throughout the entire flick. I’m not quite sure whether it’s a reference to Bugs Bunny and the cartoony quality of the violence or if it’s a lampoon of Stallone’s matchstick in Cobra. Or both.

As a whole, though, I enjoyed Crank more. Jason Statham is a lot more intense than Clive Owen, and Crank was likewise very tongue-in-cheek with its action. If this is a sign of where action flicks are headed, keep ’em coming.

In other news, I just learned that Roy Scheider died. That’s a bummer. In addition to Jaws and The French Connection, I’ll always remember him in Blue Thunder. I loved that flick when I was a kid.

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.

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