My Brain, It Oozes

I sent the Wife to the pharmacy for a sinus rinse last week. They didn’t stock anything like a neti pot, so she came home with a squeeze bottle kit instead. I also got to thinking this guy has the right idea; I don’t have coffee, but there’s a bottle of Jack sitting in the kitchen.

The squeeze bottle says to squeeze gently. Unfortunately, “gently” is a relative term, especially when you’re a big, clumsy, ham-fisted oaf like me. Minutes after an accidental attempt to blow my brains straight out the back of my head, the Wife looked at my eye and asked if I was getting pinkeye again.

“Nope,” said I. “I just blew the snot out through my eyes.”

That went on for some time. There’s nothing like having to clean snot off your contacts before you put them away for the night. I’ve been squeezing more gently since.

* * *

Two days later, my head was still plugged up. The over-the-counter Claritin the doc told me to take wasn’t doing the job, and now I was blowing blood-laced snot all night. I showed the Wife what I feared were chunks of brain.

“Time to try a new sinus rinse,” I said. “Something along the line of 9mm.”

“Do you have a 9mm?” she asked.

“Yep. Sure do.” I told her which one.

“I thought that was bigger?”

“Nope. A .45 would be better, but 9mm will work in a pinch.”

“Oh. Have at it, then.”

Ah, spousal support.

* * *

I felt a bit better Friday and thought maybe I was through the worst of it. Unfortunately, that night I was right back to being sick again. Saturday morning I went to a quick care clinic (my own doc doesn’t have Saturday office hours) and they confirmed I had sinusitis, aka a sinus infection. The nurse handed me a sheet telling me all about the care and feeding of my brand new infection, and she circled one item in particular: rinse or irrigate your nasal passages frequently to clear the sinuses.

I laughed and asked her if 9mm would work.

“Don’t you think that might be a bit… permanent, Mr. Oliveri?”

At least this gunk would be out of my head.

* * *

I went to karate after the quick care visit. It’s review this week, and I want my next stripe, so I planned to at least sit and watch and let the Midget get on the mat for his review. I felt excited about being there, though, and my head had cleared some while driving, so I thought I’d make a go of it.

I put on my gi, and for a minute I felt like Superman putting on his cape. Tying on that belt after a full week of nothing but sick laziness felt like connecting to a live wire. I was so ready for this!

Then we did 20 slow push-ups (hold for a moment at the top and bottom) during warm-up. If the gi made me Superman, the mat became my kryptonite and it took all my strength to not just go flat and take a nap.

At least I remembered my kata and was able to review my self defenses. My nose didn’t run, but I sweated as if I’d just run a marathon.

I made it home before collapsing. I napped on and off, and episodes 5-7 of Deadwood made it all better.

* * *

Today I’m finally starting to feel better. I got a good night’s sleep last night, with no coughing fits or facefuls of snot to wake me up. The antibiotics appear to be doing their job, and I’ve got more of my energy back. There’s still some bloody goop in the snot, but the vice around my eyes is gone and it’s the first time in a week I woke up with a normal temperature.

It’s about freakin’ time, because I’ve got way too much to do.

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.

One comment

  1. Cindy just talked me into trying the Netti pot. I’m man enough to admit that it scared me a little. But, what do you know, it works!