Blackest Friday

My retail days are ten years behind me, but my hatred for Black Friday hasn’t waned.

It’s long been my contention that the holidays, despite their outward appearance of peace and happiness, actually bring out the worst in people. This year, the masses trumped their usual selfish belligerence by trampling a Wal-Mart employee to death. Even while the worker was dead on the floor, they continued shopping and went on home with their purchases after management closed the store.

Tim Daly suggested jailing the participants, and I’m all for that suggestion. The store just opened, which means any sales came from people in that crowd. Pull the register data, and you’ve got the names and addresses of anyone who paid by check, and at least the names of those who paid by credit card. Bring them all in, and prosecute anyone who can be matched up to the worst of the behavior on store surveillance videos, particularly those who instigated the crush or pushed down the dead man.

This is just day one. We’ve got four more weeks of crowds and traffic to put up with. I hope there won’t be any more deaths, but I’m sure we’ll hear about fights over the latest and greatest toy any time now.

So go ahead, shoppers. Save those pennies and go on pretending the holidays are about anything more than money. I’m going to stay home and watch this Monty Python’s Flying Circus marathon on BBC America.

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.

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  1. Eric says:

    absolutely disgusting, isn’t it? Bad enough that it’s to the point that stores were actually open and having sales ON THANKSGIVING DAY, but shopping madness to the point of killing a human is beyond explanation.

  2. Randy K. says:

    I lucked out… I only worked one Black Friday, and i was 5 or 6 hours late! I seem to recall the store opened at 8am and I was supposed to be there 7am (might have been 6 and 7), and I called Dave from Indianapolis at 7:15 or so to tell him I had been driving since 10 am the day before when I left Charlotte, NC.

    This shouldn’t have been an issue, except I decided I wanted to spend Thanksgiving with Family, so I detoured to Ft. Payne, AL… seemed like a good idea at the time, but I didn’t look real close to the map to see that it would take me 6 hours to get there and add another 2 hours to the actual drive home… which is why I was calling Dave at 7:15am to tell him that once I got into Joliet, I still needed to actually sleep… and wouldn’t be in to work until 12pm or so.

    Worse part was that one I was in… I didn’t make a single sale all day… ah good times…

  3. Mike says:

    You guys see they closed our old store? When they announced the 155 store closings before they declared Chapter 11, I had a feeling ol’ 3123 would be on the list. Sure enough, it’s toast.

  4. Randy K. says:

    Yeah, saw that. Can’t say I’m surprised, I though it was toast when the Best Buy opened across the way, but it lasted quite a while.

    Heh… remember when that new manager forgot to set the alarm after the Jan inventory? We came in and though we were going to have to reinventory. Yet another reason I don’t miss retail.