Deck the Halls with Streams of Vomit

Our house looks something like this today:

I don’t know what this bug is, but it’s taking us down one family member at a time. I thought I was going to dodge the bullet until 3:30am last night when I woke up and launched last night’s home-made sliders into the crapper at about 90 miles per hour.

From both ends.

I would have thought last night’s purges left me empty, but when I got out of bed my stomach managed to conjure up something out of somewhere and promptly got rid of it. I think it may have been my spleen. Ah well, at least I can live without it.

I’m not sure how much more this holiday can suck: more snow is following the Icy Doom and Great Arctic Death, the whole family is sick, and the dog died. All that’s left now is for Santa to show up, kick me square in the nuts, fuck my wife, and sic the Krampus on my kids.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to spin up my favorite Christmas carol, Bad Religion’s “Fuck Christmas”.

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.

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