According to my Snickers wrapper, “substantialiscious” is the weight of something when you weigh it with your tongue.

Uh, sure.

I didn’t want a king-size Snickers, but that’s all I could find at the local Casey’s when I picked up one of their shitty pork tenderloin sandwiches for lunch. (It’s a long story, but I was stuck.) I bought it, went home and ate the sandwich, then started looking over the wrapper of the candy bar.

Now, to me, a candy bar is supposed to be a small snack, not a meal in itself. You want to know why Snickers really satisfies? Because a king-size bar is loaded with 510 calories! You see it says 170 calories in the listing, but then you realize a serving is only 1/3 of a bar. Yikes!

Nothing like blowing out a quarter of your day’s calories (or a third if you’re on a diet) on a frickin’ candy bar. To put it in perspective, a McDonald’s Quarter Pounder with Cheese has 510 calories, too.

No wonder we’re a nation of fat bastards.

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.

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  1. OneVoice says:

    Dude, we’re a nation of fat bastards because we choose to eat the whole bar as a snack when its obvious that its the size of an entire meal…