Hallmark Can Bite It

The Wife and I braved the Valentine’s Day crowds this evening and hit a Mexican restaurant we hadn’t tried before. We had to wait for a seat, but the margaritas and the meal were well worth it. We had a pleasant conversation, a quiet night with the kids, and generally spent some quality time together.

All without buying cheesy cards, overpriced flowers, or any other ridiculous gimmick the greeting card and related industries insist we have to buy to prove our love.

Truth is, we wouldn’t have bothered at all if the Wife’s church didn’t have a free babysitting service set up this evening. See, we know it’s the the displays outside these holidays that really count. We arrange dates like this with babysitters or one of our parents from time to time, and then we have the bonus of not having to deal with the Valentine’s Day crowds.

I feel sorry for the guys out there who get guilt trips from their wives and girlfriends when they don’t come through on Valentine’s Day. Birthdays and anniversaries, fine, but Valentine’s Day? Ugh. (For the record, Sweetest Day is even worse.) While the Wife and I have celebrated Valentine’s Day in the past, neither of us gets too concerned when it doesn’t happen.

For the guys who have to deal with this monster on an annual basis, I have a suggestion: tell your girl about Steak & a BJ Day. If she’s going to insist you profess your love with some tchotchke, and then she’s going to throw a “you don’t love me!” tantrum when you don’t come through (or come through well enough), then you have every right to expect your steak and blow job on March 14th. Furthermore, you officially have every right to throw a similar tantrum if she refuses to deliver.

You’re welcome.

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.

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  1. Dave T says:

    Given your suggestion at the end, maybe you could have left “Bite It” out of the title…

  2. Karen McKillip says:

    Mike, glad to hear we’re not the only couple that doesn’t stress about the “holidays”! We also spent the evening at a mexican restaurant and then cruised the aisles at Lowe’s, a dream date, especially under the influence of a margarita! Good luck on your testing this week, Karen

    • Mike says:

      I also see I’m not the only one goofy enough to be up at 2:30 in the morning! I was out playing poker. What’s your excuse? ;)

      And thanks for the luck! If I bust my ass, I’m sure I’ll be wearing brown at the next black belt club.

  3. Karen McKillip says:

    I’m lucky enough to be at work.., and where I work is one of the main reasons I enjoy karate so much(I can’t punch patients!)and participated in the ARC seminar. Ah, the joys of working in the mental health field!

    • Mike says:

      Ah, that’s right, I remember you mentioning it at the seminar. I guess if you’re working, that makes me the only dummy…

  4. Randy K. says:

    “If she’s going to insist you profess your love with some tchotchke, and then she’s going to throw a “you don’t love me!” tantrum when you don’t come through (or come through well enough), then you have every right to expect your steak and blow job on March 14th.”

    I don’t know what made me laugh more about this… That this describes my wife to be to a “T”, that I got her flowers delivered to her job on Friday and got a well cooked steak and a BJ on Saturday, or that my Wedding is March 14th of this year!