Do the Who Now?

So I’m walking down the hall at work and I hear the custodians are listening to some shitty pop/hip-hop radio station again. (It’s usually that or country, so I tend to steer clear of their work zones.) I tend to tune it out, but the name Helen Keller jumped out at me.

Did I hear that right? I wondered. Sure enough:

“Shush girl, shut your lips. Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips.”

I thought maybe it was a joke, so I punched it into Google and found the complete lyrics to the song “Don’t Trust Me” by the band 3OH!3. The Helen Keller? Really, guys? I guess nothing screams sexy like a deaf, dumb and blind woman.

Shotei to the face! Eat it, Ike!

Shotei to the face! How's that one taste, Ike?

I guess nothing screams sexy! like a deaf, dumb and blind woman.

Why no props for Anne Sullivan? If it weren’t for Ms Sullivan, Helen Keller would have been the Crazy Cat Lady from the Simpsons, only with worse aim.

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.

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  1. Noah L says:

    I have decided that most songs that become popular nowadays are no longer required to make sense, so this doesn’t bother me too much. I’ve heard that song before (Ms. Walker actually likes it quite a bit, I believe) and it’s a somewhat amusing song, so long as you don’t have to hear it more than a few times. My current favorite “new” song on the radio is “You’re Going Down” by Sick Puppies. It makes sense though :P

    • Mike says:

      I had to find that one on YouTube. It least it’s got a rock feel to it.

      You might like this, too:

      . I can point you to some better, earlier Megadeth, but this has the same general idea as “You’re Going Down”.

  2. Eric says:

    ^^ is that wrong? cause it’s kinda funny.

  3. Mike says:

    Ha! That’s great.

  4. Chris says:

    Helen Keller was not mute. She could speak. The inability to use vocal chords has no connection to the ability to see or hear.

    • Mike says:

      Huh. Could have sworn a book I had as a kid said she was blind, deaf, and dumb, but I could be remembering that wrong.