I'm Officially Trying Too Hard

Today J.F. Gonzalez pointed out the existence of this book:

Just... Just kill me. Please.

Just... Just kill me. Please.

When does this stop? A wiser man than I recently said:

“Talent sustains and bullshit fails to sell after a very short while.”

I hope so. Look, for all I know, this Porter Grand guy crafts better prose than any other writer on the planet. The part that bothers me is this remix stuff is just so easy. Apparently all I have to do now to land a Del Rey or other mass market contract is take an old book and throw in monsters.

The Bride of Frankenstein’s Scarlet Letter. BOOM! Where’s my check, bitches!?

Or better yet, maybe I’ll start a new trend: everything with ninjas. Uncle Tom’s Ninja, or maybe The Ninja and the Pauper. When that crapfest trend dies down, I’ll step it up with the pirates: The Picture of Dorian Blackbeard. I’ll make mad cash and retire to a Caribbean island.

This business never ceases to amaze me.

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.

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  1. Kent says:

    I’d have to imagine it’s possible to do one of those mash-ups and have it not suck dead goat balls. But, like most of the music mash-ups and remixes, it’s just a bunch of crap, the printed equivalent of a Kid Rock album.

    • Mike says:

      Any time now I’m expecting someone to come up with the literary equivalent of Autotune: you punch in a few proper nouns for people and places and it takes care of the rest.

  2. Kent says:

    I wouldn’t be surprised. Hell, I’ve read some books, or should I say started and stopped some, that feel just like that.