I think this has to be the best billboard placement I’ve seen in Peoria.
I go into a Jimmy John’s, I say “I’d like a number eight on wheat, no tomato,” and nine times out of ten they have it sitting there waiting for me before I’m finished paying.
Walk into a Subway and I have to play the “What do you want on it?” game. This irritates me for two reasons. First is when there’s a specific sandwich they’re offering. Take when they offered a Cuban sandwich, for example. A Cuban has a specific recipe. Yet when I order a Cuban, they ask “What do you want on it?” I want a frickin’ Cuban! I want what comes on a Cuban!
Generally when I darken their door, I know what I want and I can take them through my build-a-sammich pretty quick. But this leads me to beef number 2: every other pinhead is stumped by the question. When someone says “I’d like a six-inch Subway club” and they’re befuddled when asked which bread they want it on, I know I’m in for a long wait. This should not be rocket science. Tell the sandwich monkey what you like on your sandwich, and he will make said sandwich and I can get on with telling the sandwich monkey what I like on my sandwich. If you walk into a Subway and say “Uhh…” at any point during the sandwich-making process, you should be sent to the end of the line with a big picture poster of all the condiments so, when it’s finally your turn again, you can slap your meaty paw on the poster and say “Mungo want lettuce” you ignorant dunce.
Subway may have healthy food options, but I’d like to see the statistic on how many heart attacks occur in the sandwich line because some old lady doesn’t understand what “Do you want that toasted?” means. (And by the way, screw you, Quizno’s, for forcing them to inflict that upon us. Screw you and those mutant cats shilling your shitty sandwiches.)
One last rant: a nearby Subway is offering pizzas ready in one minute. You know what? I want no part of that. No pizza that is ready in one minute is worth eating.
Jimmy John’s: saving our sanity one sandwich at a time.