Pissing Off the Mandrill

I took my family to the Peoria Zoo on Monday, and they had more animals than I expected, including a couple of mandrills. If you’re not familiar, think “evil monkey with the colorful face and ass” and you’ve got the idea. Given that description, I just had to see the guy in action.

Imagine my disappointment when I found him scratching his balls.

No, really. The male sat a few feet behind the fence, legs spread wide, playing with his balls and grooming the fur on his inner thighs. A crowd gathered around and I made a few noises to get his attention to take a picture. At first, no luck. I clicked off a shot, typed up my caption and fired it off.

Then I looked up and found him staring right at me, and punching the ground to intimidate me.

Oh shit, I got his attention!

"Wanna go, bitch?"

The people near me backed away, and the Wife just shook her head, thinking “Now what’d you do?”

I had to be careful here. Sure, there’s a fence in the way, but have you ever seen an angry mandrill?

Check it:

"I will cut you!"

Wait, that ain’t right. That’s a pic from his misspent youth.

No, when a mandrill gets pissed, it’s a lot scarier.

When he started punching the ground and grunting at me, I was afraid this was coming next:

OH MY GOD HIDE THE CHILDREN WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!

So, yeah. From ball-scratching boredom to tear-your-face-off anger in seconds. Evil monkey.

Though I can’t blame him. I’d be sensitive, too, if it looked like someone tried to ram a rainbow up my ass.

Mandrill Ass

Taste the rainbow!

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.

3 comments

  1. TriMarkC says:

    “What’da do know?” LOL!!!

  2. Troy says:

    With Schnucks closing our stores here in the Midsouth….I really needed that laugh!

    Thanks, my friend,
    Troy

    …taste the rainbow…too funny…

  3. jeremy says:

    i’d be pissed too, stuck in a cage with no community of monkeys, no monkey sex. beautiful animals they are. beautiful creature of god

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