The Wearable Death Machine

What a cool concept for an astonishingly bad idea.

Would I take this for a test drive on a closed track? Absolutely. Looks like fun.

Would I own one, or drive one in the city? Nope and hell no. Let’s count the reasons:

  1. You’re about to have a head-on collision. Here are your options: head first or crotch first. Pass. This thing just turned your helmet into a battering ram with your entire body and a big chunk of the chassis behind it.
  2. How do you carry anything? If I’m a commuter, headed to the gym or karate class, or a student, chances are I’m carrying something with me. I don’t see anywhere to hang saddle bags, and there’s no way to wear a harness. Do I strap my laptop or other precious cargo to my chest and pray I don’t accidentally drag it across the asphalt?
  3. If I’m hanging face-down and my arms get tired, or worse, the thing collapses, I’m going to lose a lot of skin. Imagine cruising the highway and suddenly grinding your junk against the asphalt. Yeah, pleasant.
  4. I’m strapped in by what appears to be a five-point harness that has to be strong enough to support a fair amount of weight, say an average of 180-200 lbs at least, more for larger dudes like me. Now imagine I have to escape from this thing in a hurry for a variety of reasons. Possible? If there’s a quick-release option, is it fail-safe while traveling?
  5. This thing transforms on the fly. Okay, what if I run over something while the wheels are in-line or nearly so? Is there something preventing it from falling face first?

I applaud the guy’s desire to create an electric vehicle with light weight and parking efficiency in mind. I’m just not sure this is the right design for it. I will grant #1 on this list is only marginally more dangerous than a sportbike and probably only a few notches worse than any other given motorcycle, but 2 is just a pain and 3-5 are the deal killers.


About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.

One comment

  1. Troy says:

    You always know it’s funny when I snort while I’m reading it.

    Too funny, Mike.

    Take care,