Baby Time!

A friend of ours is having a baby very soon. I learned they’ll be having a c-section delivery on Tuesday. Naturally, I shared the news with my wife. Here’s the text I sent her (omitting only the names to protect the innocent):

“They are cutting her open on Tuesday and setting the baby free.”

I have such a way with words. So suave. What can I say? It’s part of my charm.

I couldn’t be happier for the couple, though. It’s the second child for the mother, and the first for the father. That poor guy doesn’t know what he’s in for, either. Our babies were delivered the old-fashioned way, which involves its own array of horrors and surprises for the uninitiated, so I didn’t know what to tell him.

I tried my best, though. I told him if all goes well, it should go down something like this:

Add a few margaritas, maybe a slow dance, and it’ll be a good time. Piece of cake.

I also felt he needed to be prepared for the bad. However small the chances may be, there’s always that tiny percentage of cases where everything goes sideways. Best to know, because knowing is half the battle.

We got a few beers into him, and at last he said “Okay, lay it on me.”

I decided I shouldn’t pull any punches. He’s tough. He can handle it. I downed that shot, looked him dead in the eye, and said “Worst case scenario? This is how it goes down:”

He turned a little green for a moment, but like I said, he’s tough. He can handle it.

After he regained his composure, we raised our drinks in a toast:

“Pray for a Kuato. Kanpai!

I feel better knowing he’s prepared for the big day. I’m all about sharing the wisdom, especially to close friends who need it the most. While nobody can truly be prepared for fatherhood, and we all just kind of fall into it, it helps to get all the advice and preparation one can get.

Pray for a Kuato. Words to live by.

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.

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