WTF ’80s?

Every time “Safety Dance” comes on the local Jack station, it just screams ’80s to me, from the cheesy keyboard to the way he sings the damn thing.

Then we have the video. Whoa.

I can see the pitch now: “We’re going to get a midget and a crazy bitch and invade a medieval village.”

And what’s that thing they’re doing with their hands? Is that the Safety Dance? It looks like a “not in the face!” plea when someone comes to kick his ass for rhyming hands with chance. I also wonder if that’s why he tries to look so intense and angry.

“Don’t mess with me, this song rocks!”

Yeah. Nobody looks hard rocking out to a Casio rhythm.

But hey, don’t worry, dude without a hat! This guy couldn’t pull it off, either, and his video is chock full of gay bondage bikers.

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.

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