Posts under ‘Idiocy’

Now I know how Charles Manson went bat-shit crazy: do-it-yourself home projects.
See, no matter how easy you feel a job will be, the half-assed job some pinhead who owned your home before you will guarantee a ten-minute job turns into an all-day, life-sucking affair that will leave you wanting to stab someone in the eye.
My [...]

A school in India has named the monkey god Hanuman chairman of the college.
“The position comes with an incense-filled office, a desk and a laptop computer. Four chairs will be placed facing the empty seat reserved for the chairman and all visitors must enter the office barefoot, said Vivek Kangdi, the school’s vice chairman.”
The real [...]

The Wife handed me a nice, big chunk of my ass again today.
Yes, again. I have a bad habit of forgetting what the rugrats should and shouldn’t be watching, and I have yet to live down a two-week streak of nightmares the Midget had when he was two. Nightmares caused by a viewing of the [...]

Rachael Ray is a terrorist.
At least that’s what some right-wing nutbags would have us believe. The lovely Ms. Ray wore a scarf in an online commercial for Dunkin’ Donuts, and Fox News commentator Michelle Malkin decided it looked a little too much like a keffiyeh, a traditional headdress worn by men in the Middle East, [...]

When I dream, I dream weird. There have been many times I woke up and spent a good minute reintroducing myself to reality or reassuring myself that the events of the dream didn’t really happen.
I had three of those this week. The first dealt with work, and the crux of it wasn’t hard to figure [...]

A Florida teacher has been fired because — I kid you not — he’s been accused of wizardry. When Tim sent me the article, I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or scream. In a nutshell, this guy performed a magic trick with a toothpick in front of a middle school class and he got fired [...]

And the protesters and crybabies can kiss my ass.
So it’s the “gravest assault upon children in this country since polio,” is it? Shut up, douche. Some of us are smart enough not to play the game when the kids are around. Some of us actually have the balls to tell our children “no” when they [...]

From a distance, the human body is a thing of beauty. Get up close, though, and things start to break down.
And I’m about to tell you about one of the more intimate places things break down. If you’re at all squeamish or the type to scream “too much information!” at the merest hint of something [...]

Only you can prevent penis theft.
Wha…?
It would seem the Congolese think penis theft is a legitimate problem, and it’s led to a number of beatings and lynchings.
It’s like a perverse take on stealing a child’s nose: “I’ve got your dick! Yes I do!”
Sadly, unlike your average four-year-old child, these idiots actually believe it.

Driving home at 3am last night, it occurred to me that I need a theme song (which you’d already know if you follow my Twitter feed). In fact, everyone should have one. Something to at once provide a jolt of energy and convey mood to all those around us. Something without lyrics, that would explain [...]