Tag Archive for bullshit

Attention Doomsday Nuts

For those of you convinced the world will end on 12/21/12 because the Mayans found a nice, round number for their calendars, it turns out the date may be way off.

The good news is that the Mayan “Long Count” calendar may not end on Dec. 21, 2012 (and, by extension, the world may not end along with it). The bad news for prophecy believers? If the calendar doesn’t end in December 2012, no one knows when it actually will – or if it has already.

Ask me, it was pretty silly to begin with.

I find it especially funny when self-proclaimed Christians buy into it. For one, if they believe the Bible scholars when they say the Earth is only 6,000 years old and man ran with the dinosaurs, then we haven’t even come close to the 13,000 years the Mayans predicted.

Now, let’s say they’re willing to dismiss that age bit as fable. Okay, cool. They’re still dealing with Mayan — or, in their mind, false, mythological, or even pagan — religious folklore. I guess that Commandment about “no other gods” is flexible, too. Maybe we can convince them Jesus was an alien spirit while we’re at it.

The short version? You think you only have two years left, fine, sell everything you own and catch that ride on a comet.

Just shut the hell up about it because I’m not sure I can take two more years of your whining.

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.

I'm Officially Trying Too Hard

Today J.F. Gonzalez pointed out the existence of this book:

Just... Just kill me. Please.

Just... Just kill me. Please.

When does this stop? A wiser man than I recently said:

“Talent sustains and bullshit fails to sell after a very short while.”

I hope so. Look, for all I know, this Porter Grand guy crafts better prose than any other writer on the planet. The part that bothers me is this remix stuff is just so easy. Apparently all I have to do now to land a Del Rey or other mass market contract is take an old book and throw in monsters.

The Bride of Frankenstein’s Scarlet Letter. BOOM! Where’s my check, bitches!?

Or better yet, maybe I’ll start a new trend: everything with ninjas. Uncle Tom’s Ninja, or maybe The Ninja and the Pauper. When that crapfest trend dies down, I’ll step it up with the pirates: The Picture of Dorian Blackbeard. I’ll make mad cash and retire to a Caribbean island.

This business never ceases to amaze me.

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.