Tag Archive for fat guy

Being Skinny Is Weird

Okay, so “skinny” isn’t exactly correct, but I’m lighter now than when I got married so I’ll take it. I’m a lot lighter now than I was ten years ago; I’ve lost just over a fifth of my body weight.

A few weeks ago, I went shopping at a Men’s Wearhouse. The salesperson put me in an XL to fit my shoulders and chest, but then she told me it was a slim. I’ve never worn a slim anything in my life. I’m generally down to size large for most clothing, where I used to shop for XXL.

It’s weird finding clothes on the rack that actually fit. I’m used to sleeves and pant legs being too long, or shirts that are too long and droop around the shoulders. And that’s all assuming some stores even stocked the stuff. Now? Shoulder seams hang where they belong, and while some sleeves are still a bit long for my T-rex arms, the hem is where it belongs.

Now being skinny is expensive because I’m tempted to buy a couple shirts instead of just one.

Then there’s the whole temperature thing. The weather’s already started to change around here, and over the weekend I enjoyed a cigar with some friends on the enclosed patio of our favorite watering hole. I had to ask the waitress to fire up the heater above us. They never did, and by the end of the night I was shivering. My friends laughed, said I lost all my insulation.

Is this what being skinny is like? Being cold all the time?

People are friendlier, too. Maybe it’s social acceptance, maybe it’s just that I carry myself differently, but reactions from others are definitely different. People are warmer, chattier, even in situations where service is their job, like cashiers and wait staff.

How do skinny people protect their quiet time?

Next you’ll tell me I’ll actually fit in an airline seat.

Mind blown

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.

Don’t Let Him Fall On You!

Ever see a 600-pound man in a fight? Dig:

The smaller man’s strategy of wearing the guy out starts to work quick. When people get that big, it’s a struggle just to exist, much less engage in physical combat. When he finally toppled, and the smaller man escaped, there wasn’t a damn thing he could do.

It reminds me a bit of a local amateur fight featuring a guy that had to weigh 400 pounds. No kidding, the man was built like Grimace.

Grimace

Come at me, bro!

He, too, had a tough time getting around the ring and took huge swipes at his opponent without really connecting. He took several hits to the gut, and at one point started to fall. He waved his arms, calling off the fight all the way down to the canvas.

I’m pretty sure he was tapping out to gravity.

The real trick for the little guy in these fights is making sure the behemoth doesn’t fall on him. If you thought the headline was a joke, check out this other fight featuring the same 600-pound man. Jump to the 2:00 mark, where the ref is resetting the combatants because the little guy was working on an escape but was falling out of the ring.

But hey, at least they had the guts to step into the ring…

*Ba-dump bump tsshh!*

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.