Tag Archive for advertising

The War for Your Sammich: Jimmy John’s vs Subway

I think this has to be the best billboard placement I’ve seen in Peoria.

Jimmy John's Billboard
It’s on now!

For the record, I’m a Jimmy John’s guy. Subway drives me insane.

I go into a Jimmy John’s, I say “I’d like a number eight on wheat, no tomato,” and nine times out of ten they have it sitting there waiting for me before I’m finished paying.

Walk into a Subway and I have to play the “What do you want on it?” game. This irritates me for two reasons. First is when there’s a specific sandwich they’re offering. Take when they offered a Cuban sandwich, for example. A Cuban has a specific recipe. Yet when I order a Cuban, they ask “What do you want on it?” I want a frickin’ Cuban! I want what comes on a Cuban!

Generally when I darken their door, I know what I want and I can take them through my build-a-sammich pretty quick. But this leads me to beef number 2: every other pinhead is stumped by the question. When someone says “I’d like a six-inch Subway club” and they’re befuddled when asked which bread they want it on, I know I’m in for a long wait. This should not be rocket science. Tell the sandwich monkey what you like on your sandwich, and he will make said sandwich and I can get on with telling the sandwich monkey what I like on my sandwich. If you walk into a Subway and say “Uhh…” at any point during the sandwich-making process, you should be sent to the end of the line with a big picture poster of all the condiments so, when it’s finally your turn again, you can slap your meaty paw on the poster and say “Mungo want lettuce” you ignorant dunce.

Subway may have healthy food options, but I’d like to see the statistic on how many heart attacks occur in the sandwich line because some old lady doesn’t understand what “Do you want that toasted?” means. (And by the way, screw you, Quizno’s, for forcing them to inflict that upon us. Screw you and those mutant cats shilling your shitty sandwiches.)

One last rant: a nearby Subway is offering pizzas ready in one minute. You know what? I want no part of that. No pizza that is ready in one minute is worth eating.

Jimmy John’s: saving our sanity one sandwich at a time.

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.

How Comfortable They Are Lying to You

We all know advertisers lie to us. It doesn’t take a genius to look at the Big Mac you were just handed, compare it to the one pictured on the menu, and realize something’s just not right. We also know women on magazine covers are endlessly Photoshopped to match them to some impossible vision of beauty.

But sometimes it’s the subtle things that stand out. Take, for example, this Harley-Davidson brochure I received in the mail the other day, advertising their new Blackline bike:

What’s wrong with this picture?

My first thought was They’re making a bike with pipes on the left? That can’t be right…

Then I noticed he’s riding on the wrong side of the road (I’m assuming he’s riding here in the States). Could they have mirrored the image? I looked closer at the tank, and sure enough, the text is mirrored. Some designer in marketing must have taken the original picture and flipped it to match the layout of his ad.

What’s the big deal, you ask? Well, for starters, you’re looking at the bike backwards. If you go to a dealership, do you look at the bikes’ reflections in the windows, or do you go look at the bikes?

But what really bothers me is they had to do it at all. Was there not a photo that matched the layout? If this is the best photo, should the designer not have just changed his layout? It’s like he said “Ah, nobody will notice” and clicked the button. Obviously he’s not a rider himself.

I also wonder who, if anyone, on the H-D side approved it. Surely the people in charge of marketing at H-D are familiar enough with their product they should have noticed something like this, even if they’re not riders. Or do they just let the ad designers fire things off without proofing?

Yeah, it’s a small thing, but that’s why it bothers me so much. I understand they’re going to tweak lighting, clean up blemishes, maybe even add gleam to chrome and make their bikes look great. Usually it’s not in your face. This is just a blatant, lazy edit that shouldn’t have gotten beyond the proofing stage.

And would it have killed them to put a much-needed comma in the headline? They have a period at the end, so can’t be a conscious decision to drop punctuation marks.

This is the kind of thing you expect in a poster advertising the three-man custom shop down the street, not a world-famous manufacturer.

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.