Tag Archive for jason statham

Ghost Rider Gets Cranked

I’ve just learned Marvel has handed the Ghost Rider sequel to Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, the guys behind the Crank franchise. After the first one tanked, I say why the hell not?

In fact, I think it’s brilliant. It’s like some Marvel exec just said “Screw it, we’ll give it to these guys. It’s not like they can make it any worse.” I haven’t even seen the first flick, but I’ll buy my ticket right now for Ghost Rider 2 if these guys have free reign.

Let me put this in perspective for those of you who have never seen Crank 2: High Voltage with a selected scene. I’ll stress here, this scene is not safe for work. I can’t embed it, so click here and enjoy.

You feel me now? I can’t see Ghost Rider interrogating a guy like this, but hey, he is a character bestowed with the power of Hell. Why not give him to a couple of guys who won’t be afraid to get him dirty? Sign me up. The only way this would be better news is if they let Jason Statham play Johnny Blaze.

I have to admit, as stupid as they are, I enjoyed Crank and Crank 2. Sure, High Voltage got really crazy, but think about it: how else could they top the first one? Where else can you go after you’ve had your main character nail his girlfriend in the middle of Chinatown and then dropped him out of a helicopter?

Incidentally, the best part of the shotgun clip is Statham’s expression:

Statham Grin

"I can't believe you're paying me for this!"

I don’t think he was acting. I think he just looked at the camera as if to ask “Really? This is what you want me to do?”

When I first saw that scene, and I watched him dip the shotgun in the oil, I thought “What’s he going to do with that?”

I expected some flame trick. Maybe an explosion. Everything explodes in these movies.

Then the pants went down.

“No, surely he isn’t…”

The grin.

“He is!”

I laughed and laughed. My kid came running to see what was so funny, and I had to chase him out of the room.

Anyway. I digress. Neveldine & Taylor, Ghost Rider. Sounds like a winner. Unless studio notes are involved. Then we may just have to hope there’s a wicked director’s cut with all the goodies restored.

(These are the kind of posts you get when I’m stuck waiting on software vendors and installs at the day job. I’m bored out of my mind, but too distracted or busy to get any other real work done. Like the saying goes: idle hands lead to Jason Statham shotgun buggery.)

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.

Clive Owen's On First

Last night I finally got around to watching Shoot ‘Em Up, and I invited the wife to do the same.

“Hey hon,” I said. “Come watch Shoot ‘Em Up.”

“Which movie?” she asked. Like many people, I’ll refer to a high-octane action flick as a shoot-’em-up.

Shoot ‘Em Up,” I told her.

“Right, but which movie?”

You can easily see where this was going. About a half hour later, after the rugrats finished bathtime and she put them all to bed, she sat down in the living room.

“So what’s the movie called?” she asked.

Shoot ‘Em Up!” I replied.

I was tempted to say “Clive Owen’s On First.” She can dig Abbot & Costello, she’d have got it.

The movie itself is a lot of fun. Way, way over-the-top action and does a great job satiring the action genre. The one-liners alone are worth the price of admission. For example, Clive Owen shoves a carrot in a bad guy’s mouth and then hammers it through the back of the guy’s head and tells him “Eat your vegetables.” Classic! That’s right up there with Schwarzenegger’s “Let off some steam, Bennett!” in Commando, right after he uses a pipe to spear a guy onto a boiler.

At least the ridiculousness of Shoot ‘Em Up was intentional.

Owen munches carrots throughout the entire flick. I’m not quite sure whether it’s a reference to Bugs Bunny and the cartoony quality of the violence or if it’s a lampoon of Stallone’s matchstick in Cobra. Or both.

As a whole, though, I enjoyed Crank more. Jason Statham is a lot more intense than Clive Owen, and Crank was likewise very tongue-in-cheek with its action. If this is a sign of where action flicks are headed, keep ’em coming.

In other news, I just learned that Roy Scheider died. That’s a bummer. In addition to Jaws and The French Connection, I’ll always remember him in Blue Thunder. I loved that flick when I was a kid.

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.