Tag Archive for advice

Photo Friday: Smell the Roses

This week’s entry came with some anonymous advice:

Roses

I wonder if there’s a “Hammer time” in town, too?

The sign is in the tiny little town of Washburn, Illinois. There are some small, dead flowers at the base of the sign, so I hope the person wasn’t being ironic.

Its advice is apt this week. Our Dodge grocery getter’s transmission may have shat the bed, but a new writing opportunity and contract have arisen as well. I will be taking full advantage. Way too early to disclose anything, especially since nothing has been signed just yet, but I’m excited. While I would love to have put the income toward just about anything but a new transmission, it’s work and it gets me one step closer to completing the Exit Strategy.

About a block over, another sign has more advice: “Don’t STOP believin’.” I suppose that works, too. Gotta keep moving forward, keep writing, keep getting stuff out there.

I shot the photo in the morning sun, just using my Canon kit lens. I first discovered the signs in the afternoon, but I didn’t like the lighting. Too much shadow on the front of the sign. This one got the nod over “Believin'” because I like the flag and the street in the background.

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.

Hallmark Can Bite It

The Wife and I braved the Valentine’s Day crowds this evening and hit a Mexican restaurant we hadn’t tried before. We had to wait for a seat, but the margaritas and the meal were well worth it. We had a pleasant conversation, a quiet night with the kids, and generally spent some quality time together.

All without buying cheesy cards, overpriced flowers, or any other ridiculous gimmick the greeting card and related industries insist we have to buy to prove our love.

Truth is, we wouldn’t have bothered at all if the Wife’s church didn’t have a free babysitting service set up this evening. See, we know it’s the the displays outside these holidays that really count. We arrange dates like this with babysitters or one of our parents from time to time, and then we have the bonus of not having to deal with the Valentine’s Day crowds.

I feel sorry for the guys out there who get guilt trips from their wives and girlfriends when they don’t come through on Valentine’s Day. Birthdays and anniversaries, fine, but Valentine’s Day? Ugh. (For the record, Sweetest Day is even worse.) While the Wife and I have celebrated Valentine’s Day in the past, neither of us gets too concerned when it doesn’t happen.

For the guys who have to deal with this monster on an annual basis, I have a suggestion: tell your girl about Steak & a BJ Day. If she’s going to insist you profess your love with some tchotchke, and then she’s going to throw a “you don’t love me!” tantrum when you don’t come through (or come through well enough), then you have every right to expect your steak and blow job on March 14th. Furthermore, you officially have every right to throw a similar tantrum if she refuses to deliver.

You’re welcome.

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.

Heeding My Own Advice

My Yoda

Originally uploaded by MikeOliveri.


The wife read yesterday’s blog post and says I’m full of crap. She then challenged me to try it myself.

So I did. At lunchtime, I tossed the Squirt up on my shoulders and did some karate. The Wife snapped this pic.

Two moves later, Squirt started screaming “I’m falling!” and decided my eye sockets made perfect handgrips.

The Wife touted it as proof of a bad idea.

Bah. It just needs a modification: a proper baby-carrier backpack.

I wonder if Men’s Health would be interested in a “Yoda Workout” article…

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.

She Never Takes My Advice

The Wife, that is.

This morning she came downstairs wearing her workout clothes. I naturally assumed she intended to get some exercise, either practice her Tai chi or follow along with her workout video. With the elder rugrats off to school and preschool, she has only the Mistress of Pain for two hours.

She says no, she’s just dressed comfortably to clean the house. The Mistress of Pain climbs on her and prevents her from getting her workout in.

I told her she needs to strap the MoP to her back, like Yoda. Just think about that, the MoP riding along as she’s busting out those ninja Tai chi moves. Hells yeah, that would be bad ass.

She gave me The Look. The one that says “You better shut up before I call the guys in the white coats. Again.”

I reaffirmed my assertion that she could indeed pull it off. The MoP is about the right size, and if Luke Skywalker can run through the forest and levitate rocks with Yoda on his back, then she should have no problem parting the wild horse’s mane or spreading the white crane’s wings with the MoP mounted up. I even offered to teach the MoP to say things like “Getting stronger you are!” and “Squat lower you must!”

Something happened to The Look. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but it changed. Subtly. I thought maybe the brilliance of my suggestion had temporarily dazzled her, and she would at last take a piece of my advice and find that it was good.

Instead I got kicked out of the house and sent to work.

Women. Go figure.

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.

More Advice for Dads

In Shuri-ryu’s version of the Wansu kata, there are three points where the karateka delivers a backfist punch to the opponent’s groin. Specifically, the sequence is a block, a punch, a simultaneous block and punch, followed by said backfist. I like to break down my kata and apply a memory aid to make it easier for both myself and the Midget to learn, so in this case the sequence became as follows: block, punch, block, punch, nutshot.

Simple and a little bit funny, thus easy to remember.

Last week, I’m working with one group on their techniques while Sensei is going through Wansu with a group of yellow belts. He explains the B-P-B-P-N sequence in their proper karate terms, such as geadan uke, augmented shuto, and so forth. The Midget raises his hand at the end, and Sensei calls on him.

He proceeds to tell the entire dojo “My dad calls that the nut shot.”

So begets my next bit of advice for Dads: no matter how much you tell your kid not to repeat something, it’s eventually going to come out.

And with that I leave you with a link to Nad Shot, a greatest hits collection of nut shots from comics.

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.